Mood:
don't askIt it 4 days after my brithday and like 4 days before my halfing sister's. I can't even sleep, my cheeks are twitching.
Insanity with an I, not with an L. I am not Jesse, I am no traitor. I spoke nothing but the truth, and still they don't care. They don't care that Sophie ruined my life. Sophie you had so many experiences, and I had so few, and yet I wanted answers and to talk, to this crushing day till the day I die I will not forgive you. I don't hate you, I don't hate Jennifer, I hate what you two did to me. Cars, swimming, boyfriends, relationships, sex, even kissing all things I've never had or done. I had so little and yet you take it away from me still, just because you saw the truth. Jennifer what did you expect me to do? Lie? Just because it'd make someone feel better, I have to hold the guilt of white lies as well as the life of being accused and never repaid. False accusation ever since 1st grade. I looked under the bathroom stall to see if my buddy was done, he told on me thinking I was trying to see his penor not I get punished by not going to the class trip.
I detest you white people, my family did not even have enough to go on trips outside of the state, let alone GIVING MY BROTHER THE FUCKING CLASS MONITOR MY SPOT IN THE NUT CRACKER WHILE I DEVELOP PNEUMONIA FOR 2 MONTHS, WHILE MY FUCKING FAMILY SAYS IT WASN'T. BEING BED RIDDEN AND THROWING UP WITH THE INABILITY TO BREATHE IS NOT A BAD FLU, WHEN ALL YOU COUGH OUT IS VOMIT AND WATER. THEN SOMEONE ELSE TELLS ON YOU AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, YOU TAKE THE FALL AGAIN, SO YOU LOSE ANOTHER TRIP.
THEN BEFORE YOU FUCKING MOVE INTO THE HOUSE YOU FUCKING BROTHER ACCUSES YOU OF PUSHING HIM INTO A WALL WITH A NAIL, WHEN IT WAS FAILURE TO CATCH A PASS FROM THE LANDLORD'S SON. WHILE YOU GET BEAT AND HE GETS PAMPERED. WHEN THE LANDLORD'S KIDS STEAL AND TRICK AWAY YOUR MONEY AND TIME AND GOOD TIMES, AND NO ONE BELIEVES YOU. YOU GROW COLD, AND GIRLS PICK WHITE MEN OVER YOU. I HATE WHITE GIRLS, I HATE YOUR CULTURE, YOU HAVE NO HONOR. I CAN PROVE YOU HAVE NONE, BECAUSE SOPHIE BROKE HER PROMISE. I AM WILLING TO BET SOPHIE WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND SHE SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE BY NOW. I AM NOT FIGHTING FOR 4TH PLACE, WHEN YOU TELL ME BY YOUR ACTIONS THAT MY VALUE IS MEANINGLESS, MY WAITING AND PATIENCE AND GOOD WILL WAS FOR NOUGHT. EVERY GIRL THEN IN JUNIOR HIGH BETRAYS YOU IN SOME WAY, PLAYS TRICKS BECAUSE YOU'RE THE NICE GUY, AND DOESN'T TELL YOU SHIT BECAUSE IT WOULD HURT YOU, BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE THE ONES HURTING YOU, WHEN IT HURTS MORE NOT TO KNOW. WHERE ARE MY FUCKING ANSWERS. WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND PICKS A GUY OVER YOU AND EXPECTS FORGIVENESS. WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SHOUT THIS SHIT OUT BECAUSE NEIGHBORS WOULD HEAR AND CALL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ON YOU.
WHEN SOPHIE HELD ALL THE CARDS. NO PICTURE, NO TALKING, NO PHONE NUMBER, NO ADDRESS. MY FUCKING GOD HOW DO I KNOW SHE EVEN EXISTS, I BET YOU TWO ARE THE SAME PERSON, JUST USING COVER TO COVER OVER THE NEXT PERSON. AND THE SHAME IT BRINGS. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW YOU SCREWED ME OVER, HOW ONE MORE PERSON SCREWED ME OVER. WHERE IS THE JUSTICE AND YOUR REGRET, YOU COWARD. YOU ARE A COWARD SOPHIE/JEN. I TOLD YOU TWO ALL ABOUT ME, AS TRUTHFUL AND AS GOOD AS I CAN. WHAT I GET IN RETURN? I FAIL MY CLASSES< DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO FINISH COLLEGE. CONSTANTLY DESTROYING MY OWN THINGS BECAUSE I AM SO FILLED WITH RAGE AND DETEST FROM YOUR ACTIONS. I DESERVE PICTURES, I DESERVE A PHONE NUMBER, I DESERVE EVERY BIT OF VERIFICATION THAT YOU EXIST, AND I DESERVE THE TRUTH. I DO NOT DESERVE STAYING UP LIKE TILL FUCKING 4 AM WITH DARK EYES, NO SLEEP, NO REM SLEEP, I DON'T EVEN DREAM I HAVE FUCKING NIGHTMARES EVERYDAY WHICH HAUNTS ME FROM SLEEPING. AT THIS RATE I WILL DIE MISERABLY WITH MY QUESTIONS NEVER ANSWERED. AND YOU GET AWAY WITH IT, BECAUSE GIRLS CRY AND SOCIETY GOES OH PERSONAL INFORMATION WE SHOULD RESPECT IT. IT IS CURRENT NEWS PEOPLE USE THAT AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE. WTF WILL I DO WITH SOPHIE'S ADDRESS? RAPE HER? THE FUCKING SHIT, EVEN THE SIGHT OF HEARING MY NAME BREAKS HER TO TEARS? SHE DOESN'T CONSTANTLY THINK ABOUT ME
SHE DOESN'T CONSTANTLY THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE DID. I DO, IN EVERY ANGLE, AND I ASK WHY. I TOOK UP A WHOLE NEW MAJOR TO EVEN TRY TO SORT IT OUT, AND I AM SLOWLY TURNING INSANE, AND YOU TWO WON'T EVEN BOTHER TALKING TO ME BECAUSE YOU THINK I WILL TRACE YOU, WHO THE FUCK CRAP CARES WHAT I DO. MY INTENTIONS ARE BECAUSE I KEEP MY WORD, I WILL FIND YOU, OR I WILL DIE. THAT IS CLEAR CUT, IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME FOR DEATH, THAT IS ON YOUR HEAD. I WILL USE EVERY POSSIBLE RESOURCE EVEN AFTER DEATH TO FIND YOU, AND IF YOU CANNOT REPAY ME, REPAY MY FAMILY. THEY WILL HEAR OF THIS SOMEDAY IF I PASS. MARK MY WORDS, MY WORK WILL BE DONE.
MIKE GAVE UP HIS PH.D TO ALLOW ME THE CHANCE, NOW I FAILED HIM, YOU RUINED OUR ENTIRE FAMILY'S LIFE GOALS AND DREAMS. I LOST MY LAB POSITIONS AND RESEARCH, HOW THE FUCK DO I GET INTO GRAD SCHOOL? HOW DOES YOUR CAREER MATTER MORE THAN MINE? I HAD NOTHING, I DO NOT EVEN HAVE THE MONEY TO SPARE ON THE SHIT YOU HAD. I DESERVE MORE THAN THIS. I DESERVE THE TRUTH IF NOT ANYTHING. I WANT THE TRUTH, I DON'T WANT TO PUNISH THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, THOUGH I AM LEANING TOWARDS THAT AFTER WAITING SO LONG WITH NO PEEP, YOU PERSONALLY BETRAYED ME. JEN PROTECTING SOPHIE IS GOOD ALL AND ALL, BUT SOMEDAY... MY GIRLFRIEND WILL DROP OUT OF SCHOOL, DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIND SOPHIE. YOU WILL RUIN HER LIFE FROM THEN ON, NOT MINE. I ORDERED HER TO FIND SOPHIE, SHE WILL FIND SOPHIE, EVEN IF SHE USES EVERY CENT I EVER HAD AND HER INTERNSHIP INCOME. IF YOU DO NOT CARE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE A HUSBAND ALREADY AND A LIFE TO WORRY ABOUT, THEN YOU ARE CRAP. YOU ARE NOT THE NICE PERSON SOPHIE SOUGHT YOU TO BE. PERSONALLY, OUR LAST EXTREME WOULD BE TV. I HAVE SET ASIDE $5,000. ALONE TO PERSONALLY BROADCAST THIS OVER TV AND YOUTUBE AND WHATEVER SITE, IN EVERY POSSIBLE LANGUAGE I CAN. I HAVE SET ASIDE $10,000 FOR NEWSPAPER ADs. I WILL GO OVER EVERY COUNTRY IN EUROPE, ASIA, AFRICA, SOUTH AMERICA, NORTH AMERICA. YOU CANNOT HIDE HER, AND IF SHE EVER FOUND OUT HOW MUCH EFFORT I USED TO TRY TO FIND HER, THE GUILT OF ME USING ALL MY EXPENSES ON JUST FINDING HER AND FAILING AND DYING. I ASSURE YOU SHE WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU EVER AGAIN, BECAUSE I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT IS NOT FORGIVEABLE. YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND POSSIBLY CAN DO, YOU CANNOT OUT-DO ME. MY BROTHER, MY GIRLFRIEND, THEY ARE NOT THE WHITE TRASH YOU ARE. THEY HAVE HONOR AND THEY WILL HONOR THEIR WORD TO ME, THEY WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FIND YOU. I WILL BRING MY ENTIRE FAMILY DOWN WITH ME IF IT TAKES THIS MUCH. I WILL GET MY ANSWERS. AND I WILL FINALLY SLEEP AFTER THAT>
irritated